2008 Woodie Awards
Devil's Advocate
Weekly advice with a devilish twist.
Issue date: 4/25/07Section: Features
Dear Devil's Advocate,
My best friend and I go to different schools, but we try to hang out as much as possible. My problem is this: every time we go out, she constantly brings up her relationship with her boyfriend. I personally don't like him that much, but I haven't had any real issue with
him until now. I've noticed a change in her behavior (her views and opinions are not what they used to be) and frankly, I can't stand her at this point. How do I bring this up without being insensitive or offensive?
-Concerned Friend
Dear Concerned,
Um, are you not watching The Hills on MTV? Lauren feels your pain! Heidi has become so lame since she's fallen in love with Spencer (who is not only a complete try-hard loser, but a dirtbag to boot!). But seriously. I think the real question needs to be directed at you. Why did you let this go so long that you "can't stand" your own best friend? You need to recognize that the intensity of your feelings has resulted from not speaking up sooner, before things got to this boiling point for you. But now that you're there, it sounds like you need to talk to her. Before you address the problem, consider how important (or unimportant) the issues are. Is it just that your friend has traded in
Pepsi for Coke? …the Yankees for the Mets?…Nirvana for Gwen Stefani? (Actually, that would be a good reason to question the friendship). Or is she undergoing serious changes in values? Is she overdoing it with drugs or alcohol, or giving in to sexual or social pressures? Obviously, if she's changing the big stuff, you're right to be concerned. If smaller tastes or habits are changing, you should let it go.
For now, I'd recommend starting a conversation about something you both used to agree on-music, religion, politics-but that she now has changed her mind about. Tell her-nicely-that you notice her views have changed, and ask why. Hopefully the two
of you can have an open conversation about the shifts that have gone on. You can tell her you think her boyfriend has too much influence, but keep in mind she's not likely to enjoy hearing that kind of criticism. Finally, remember that she might not be the only one
My best friend and I go to different schools, but we try to hang out as much as possible. My problem is this: every time we go out, she constantly brings up her relationship with her boyfriend. I personally don't like him that much, but I haven't had any real issue with
him until now. I've noticed a change in her behavior (her views and opinions are not what they used to be) and frankly, I can't stand her at this point. How do I bring this up without being insensitive or offensive?
-Concerned Friend
Dear Concerned,
Um, are you not watching The Hills on MTV? Lauren feels your pain! Heidi has become so lame since she's fallen in love with Spencer (who is not only a complete try-hard loser, but a dirtbag to boot!). But seriously. I think the real question needs to be directed at you. Why did you let this go so long that you "can't stand" your own best friend? You need to recognize that the intensity of your feelings has resulted from not speaking up sooner, before things got to this boiling point for you. But now that you're there, it sounds like you need to talk to her. Before you address the problem, consider how important (or unimportant) the issues are. Is it just that your friend has traded in
Pepsi for Coke? …the Yankees for the Mets?…Nirvana for Gwen Stefani? (Actually, that would be a good reason to question the friendship). Or is she undergoing serious changes in values? Is she overdoing it with drugs or alcohol, or giving in to sexual or social pressures? Obviously, if she's changing the big stuff, you're right to be concerned. If smaller tastes or habits are changing, you should let it go.
For now, I'd recommend starting a conversation about something you both used to agree on-music, religion, politics-but that she now has changed her mind about. Tell her-nicely-that you notice her views have changed, and ask why. Hopefully the two
of you can have an open conversation about the shifts that have gone on. You can tell her you think her boyfriend has too much influence, but keep in mind she's not likely to enjoy hearing that kind of criticism. Finally, remember that she might not be the only one
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