2008 Woodie Awards
Devil's Advocate
Weekly advice with a devilish twist
Issue date: 9/26/07 Section: Features
Dear Devil's Advocate,
I am currently dating an older man, and we've been together for the past 7 months and counting. I don't see him often. He is critical of my weight, and has said to me that he usually goes for "model girls" but is with me because I'm a "good person". I may have some extra meat but I'm no Rosie O'Donnell by any means. I put effort into getting dressed nicely when we have a date, but when I ask him how my outfits look, he will answer "honestly" and tell me "not so good." He didn't show up to my birthday party, and later explained his vow of not celebrating birthdays in any way. I do like him...and am still with him…sometimes happy, sometimes not so happy. He says I should appreciate his honesty. I'm not sure what I'm asking. Maybe I just want to know what someone else thinks.
Signed,
The "Good" Girl
Dear Good Girl,
This man sounds like a world-class jerk who has found a compliant and somewhat meager victim in none other than you! I do have to give it to him for being a smart jerk. Well, you are not his punching bag. You are his girlfriend. This is supposed to be a beneficial union of two people with positive attitudes who contribute to each other's existence. He is just contributing to your non-existence of confidence. If you weren't self-conscious, his commentary would be seen for exactly what it is-- the ramblings of a negative, miserable human being. People who are happy, enjoying life, and working towards bettering themselves don't walk around with a negative inventory of random critiques of everyone and everything (including this non-birthday celebrating gobbledygook). Granted, it may very well be true that he is anti-celebration, but he should take into account that MOST humans DO celebrate birthdays and that you, his girlfriend, are one of them. It seems as though he is having some serious problems finding things to celebrate in his life. You need to work on loving yourself with or without the approval of others. This guy needs a psychiatrist not a girlfriend.
I am currently dating an older man, and we've been together for the past 7 months and counting. I don't see him often. He is critical of my weight, and has said to me that he usually goes for "model girls" but is with me because I'm a "good person". I may have some extra meat but I'm no Rosie O'Donnell by any means. I put effort into getting dressed nicely when we have a date, but when I ask him how my outfits look, he will answer "honestly" and tell me "not so good." He didn't show up to my birthday party, and later explained his vow of not celebrating birthdays in any way. I do like him...and am still with him…sometimes happy, sometimes not so happy. He says I should appreciate his honesty. I'm not sure what I'm asking. Maybe I just want to know what someone else thinks.
Signed,
The "Good" Girl
Dear Good Girl,
This man sounds like a world-class jerk who has found a compliant and somewhat meager victim in none other than you! I do have to give it to him for being a smart jerk. Well, you are not his punching bag. You are his girlfriend. This is supposed to be a beneficial union of two people with positive attitudes who contribute to each other's existence. He is just contributing to your non-existence of confidence. If you weren't self-conscious, his commentary would be seen for exactly what it is-- the ramblings of a negative, miserable human being. People who are happy, enjoying life, and working towards bettering themselves don't walk around with a negative inventory of random critiques of everyone and everything (including this non-birthday celebrating gobbledygook). Granted, it may very well be true that he is anti-celebration, but he should take into account that MOST humans DO celebrate birthdays and that you, his girlfriend, are one of them. It seems as though he is having some serious problems finding things to celebrate in his life. You need to work on loving yourself with or without the approval of others. This guy needs a psychiatrist not a girlfriend.
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