In college, casual, non-committal relationships, or “situationships” are largely the norm for a variety of reasons. Whether it be to focus on academics, emotional unavailability or a simple desire to have the “college experience,” seemingly demonstrating an aversion to defined relationships.
This leaves many young romantics at a loss for true connection. Although casual dating is common, according to a survey done by the Pew Research Institute, only 10% of single adults are solely looking for that kind of relationship, so there is a disconnect. Young people want to find love, but they tend to settle for less.
The prominence of casual dating and situationships can lead to young daters clinging on to the first glimmer of commitment, accepting the bare minimum on the quest to find a partner. This is not a healthy practice, reflecting low self esteem and commonly resulting in stale, unfulfilling relationships. Setting a higher bar and recognizing low-effort behaviors on your dating journey can reshape your experience.
Do Not Compromise Your Standards
Your criteria to find a partner should go beyond if they are “nice” or generally attractive. Finding a serious romantic partner means finding someone compatible with your life and values. This does not mean you need to be picky about trivial traits, such as hair color or height. But it is important to remain firm on crucial components of your dating checklist.
For example, if you want to be with someone who is the same religion as you, stay consistent with finding someone with a shared faith background. Or if you prioritize academics, do not settle for a partner who does not care much about school.
Once you begin loosening these boundaries, you are more likely to have an incompatible relationship and to be accepting of the bare minimum.
Do Not Ignore Early Red Flags
The beginning of a relationship should be the smoothest, most exciting time in a relationship — the honeymoon phase. The dopamine rush feels thrilling and your partner seems perfect. Although your emotions will be strong, it is important to stay true to your logic and recognize potential red flags.
They might seem minor or subtle, but small negative signs can lead to much unhealthier behavior down the line. Communication issues early on; they could be easily fixable and largely harmless, but could also point towards future toxicity.
The Beginning Should Be Best
If the relationship feels extremely challenging and conflict-ridden at the beginning, the foundation of your relationship is rocky. In most situations, the early stages should be the least difficult part. If you find yourselves arguing frequently and facing numerous obstacles at the start, it might be time to re-evaluate.
This is not to say that the start of a relationship is always easy — every situation is unique. However, if you accept challenging behavior at the start, you are bound to find the bare minimum to be ideal rather than basic.
Have a Strong Support Base
Surrounding yourself with a network of uplifting, positive friends and family is one of the best ways to develop high standards and to reject the bare minimum. Building self-respect in romantic relationships is greatly assisted by having other loved ones who value you. They are the foundation for your expectations in love and could even provide helpful advice for your dating journey.
Once you have a strong group of people who truly want the best for you as your model for love, you are much more likely to have higher standards for romantic relationships — if you would not accept a behavior from your friends or family, do not accept it in your partner either.
Prioritize Self Esteem
It may seem cliché, but recognizing your own value and being satisfied as an individual promotes more positive relationships. According to the American Psychological Association, there is a reciprocal effect between high self esteem and positive relationships, meaning that as one increases, so does the other.
If you feel happy with your own person, you will not need a romantic partner to validate your worth. This will help you be more selective and find partners who enhance your life.
The bare minimum epidemic in romance is certainly real, but following dating rules and valuing yourself will help you exceed the minimum, and instead find the maximum.
