Q: “Dear Mama Raven, my roommate always has her boyfriend over. I don’t want to go to the RA and escalate things, but I’ve already told her the situation makes me uncomfortable, but she hasn’t changed her behavior. What do I do?”
A: A classic boyfriend dilemma. Well, I think there are a few things that you could do in this situation. You said that you don’t want to go to your RA about this, so you have to talk to your roommate about her boyfriend being over again.
Sit her down and tell her exactly why having her boyfriend over makes you uncomfortable. If there’s a real reason, like him flirting with you when she leaves the room or him blatantly disrespecting you, then I’m sure with those reasons your roommate would understand.
If it’s a matter of you not wanting a boy in the room, then that’s something else. She paid to live in that room with you.
You knew that you would have a roommate. Half of that room is hers to do whatever she wants with it with whomever she wants. You’re in college now; you have to learn how to cooperate with other people especially since you’re living with them.
If she wants to continue to have her boyfriend over, then the two of you could discuss having specific times that he is allowed to come over. Maybe he would only come over on nights that you go out, every other weekend, when you’re in class, etc.
If that doesn’t work, then maybe inviting your friends over could ease the situation or you could leave the room.
Don’t leave you room all day if that’s not what you want, but maybe step into a lounge or go out and let your roommate know when you’ll be back so she’ll know when her boyfriend should leave. That is certainly limiting the both of you, but it’s a way to resolve the problem between the two of you without getting the RA involved.
If the RA did get involved then that might not be a bad thing. When the two of you first moved in you signed a roommate agreement, if your roommate agreed that you guys wouldn’t have guests, then the RA could enforce that. That could lead to either one of you possibly being switched out of the room if necessary, but that could be better in the long run.
Obviously it’s your choice on what to do next, but I wish you luck in whatever you choose to do.