Q: What is a girl to do when she is caught between what she knows is expected of her, and what she really wants to do? My family is expecting me to simply marry a doctor, have babies and be a housewife. On the other hand, I really want to go into the telecommunications field and be a sports broadcaster. Here at St. John’s I am in the BA/MA program, and I am almost done with my coursework; I will be graduating in May. However, I am engaged to my boyfriend of three years. The wedding is scheduled to take place one week after graduation. I am so scared, and I know that I will only be unhappy. What do I do?
-Better Dead Than Wed
Dear Better Dead,
I’m sure you do not want to die. After all, how will your dream of being a sports anchor come true? The solution to your problem lies not in death, but rather in communication and a bold display of your flourishing independence.
If you have read my column before, then you should be aware that I am an adamant advocate of bumping one’s gums. I truly believe that talking can solve a good 85 percent of one’s problems.
When your parents told you of their expectation for you to marry a successful young man and become a housewife, did you tell them of your own goals for your life? Do they know of your career aspirations? Why do they feel that it so important for you to lead such a life, especially in the age which we currently live? You, your mommy and pops really need to talk because May will be here sooner than you realize, and you could end up not only stuck in a bad marriage, but trapped in a miserable life as well.
The 85 percent that I mentioned earlier is very important, but guess what? So is that other 15 percent, which is action. You cannot not simply talk the talk; you also have to walk the walk. If you really want your sweet independence, then take it! Make your own decisions, and do not let anyone make you hedge. This is your life, and you must remember that you have only one.
Q: I have a friend who liked a girl, but did not know how to tell her. So, he told his suitemate to write her a poem; he thought that it would make it easier to talk to the girl. Last week, he, his suitemate and the girl went to dinner in Montgoris, where he was supposed to read the poem, but he was still scared. So, my friend’s suitemate (the author of the poem) read the poem just to see if it was well written-to see if it was a good poem. When the girl heard the other kid recite the poem, she ended up falling for my friend’s suitemate instead of my friend. What should my friend do?
-Friend of Foiled Affection
When I read your submission, I told myself that this is the kind of thing that happens on old episodes of “Saved by the Bell.” I never imagined that this kind of thing happened in real life, let alone at St. John’s, but I guess you never know.
Anyway, I am really sorry that your friend’s poetry plan backfired, but that is the kind of thing that happens when you are a wuss. Granted, it is really easy for me to say that your friend should have just been straightforward with the potential love of his life, but that is never easy, especially if he is shy.
However, he never should have had his suitemate read the poem the girl. From past experiences, I have learned that those situations just never work out; it is against the cosmos or something.
To rectify the situation, you should tell your friend to finally go talk to his crush. Perhaps he can even write another poem-and I do mean that he should write it and not his suitemate-to explain how he feels. If he is still too shy, he could leave the note under his sweetie’s door. Whatever he chooses do, it should be a frank and clear-cut indication of his feelings (not his suitemate’s) towards this girl.