Q: I recently found out that my ex- boyfriend hooked up with my best friend while I was with him. Both of them secretly decided it was best not to tell me. With suspicious thoughts about my boyfriend and my relationship, I questioned my best friend about him and her talking all the time. She told me he only spoke about me, so I was convinced she was telling me the truth. Now, eight months later, I find out the truth: they really were hooking up behind my back! I am furious even though I haven’t been with guy for a while now. Not only was I scum-bagged as usual by a guy, but scum-bagged, and more importantly, lied to, by my best friend, who is such an important part of my life. What do I do? Forgive and not forget?
I’m sorry you have such bad luck with men and friends. Your question is “Do I forgive and not forget?” And I must say, “Yes” to the forgiving part. I’m as much about holding grudges and getting revenge against those who have wronged me as the next person, but your case is different. You have been broken up with the guy for eight months, and you really don’t know that he wasn’t thinking about you when he was hooking up with your friend. Plus, if you continue to be mad at the your friend and ex, you will waste precious energy that should be used to finding someone new-in the romantic and friendly capacities.
As far as the “forgetting” part goes, no way! Don’t ever forget it! Remember everything that happened in this relationship, and use it as a basis for recognizing warning signs in your next one. You don’t want to make the same mistakes twice do you?
Q: I have a problem with my best friend. We knew each other for three years in the same high school, and after that I hadn’t seen her in over a year. Coincidently, we met again because we both have the same job. The problem that I have with her is that I don’t like her nature. Sometimes she’s nice and sometimes she feels the need to mock me. I just don’t understand whether her nature is like that or if she’s just pretending to be my friend because she doesn’t seem mean or inconsiderate. She appears as nice, but she’s not nice on the inside. I have this feeling that maybe she changed after high school. Her way of thinking or the way she views me has changed. Sometimes I like talking to her, depending if she’s in the mood, and sometimes I really hate her because she makes jokes about me, or someone else. Most of the jokes are towards me, which are really insulting. Please help me.
-Confused and Unhappy
I really feel bad for you. However, maybe it’s time for you to face the fact that the friend you once knew is no longer there. Maybe she has changed, and so should you. In your submission, I see a little girl who has a problem letting go of the past. Are you a glutton for punishment? You see that your “friend” hurts you over and over again, so why not stop it already? You make it seem as if she has so much power over you and your friendship when that couldn’t be further from the truth! If you want the confusion and unhappiness to stop, then stop it; it’s very simple.
Surround yourself with positive energy and good karma by eliminating your friend from your life. If your pal wants to continue the friendship, she will change, be nicer and all will be solved. Just don’t let her think she has the power to put you down and make you feel bad. Okay? It’s quite simple.