Dear Devil’s Advocate,
I have fallen hard for a guy in one of my classes. As crazy as this may sound, I really feel a strong connection with him even though we’ve never even had a conversation.
Problem is, he’s an oh-so-gorgeous athlete and I’m afraid we wouldn’t have much in common. Honestly, I think rejection is what I fear most.
Am I being too pessimistic about this or are my dreams of getting close to this guy unrealistic? What should I do to show my interest in him without seeming desperate?
Dear Longin’ Lovin’,
First things first-talk to him! There are two possible outcomes from doing this and both will put you in a much better position than you are now.
If you talk to him and you find that you still like him, you will have already crossed the first hurdle of getting him to notice you. All you have to do is strike up a conversation once and you’ll be able to see if there’s any interest.
You can talk about anything, but the easiest way to start off would probably be to just ask him something about the class. This will not seem desperate and, trust me, most guys are clueless as to whether girls like them or not anyway.
After talking to him, you may also find that you really do not like this guy so much after all. He could be a major jerk, dumb as a post, or just not your type at all. Actually speaking to him is the only way you will be able to find this out.
You have to get this idea that he’s somehow “better” than you out of your head. No guy deserves to be put up on that high a pedestal.
Keep telling yourself that he would be lucky to talk to a girl like you, and pretty soon not only will you believe it, but he will as well.
Just do not try to talk to him about the sport he plays unless you actually know something about it.
It may sound cool to compliment him on the touchdown he scored the night before, but if he’s actually a baseball player, he’ll probably sense something is up.
And if you don’t understand what’s wrong with the statement above, never even attempt to talk about sports again-.ever.
Dear Devil’s Advocate,
My best guy friend recently started going out with this girl he’s had a crush on for a while. The only problem is now she refuses to let him hang out with me anymore. She thinks I secretly like him. Both my friend and I know this isn’t true, but instead of making his girlfriend see that, he hasn’t been hanging out with me lately because he wants to make her happy. I feel like in a few months time, I won’t see or talk to him at all anymore because of her.
What can do to make her realize that I really only like him as a friend so that she will let him hang out with me again?
— Platonically confused
First off, your friend has to grow a backbone. If he is already letting this girl control who he hangs out with, who knows what she will make him do in the future. It is up to your friend to let his girlfriend know that he will continue to hang out with the friends he had before he started dating her.
While I think that resolving this problem is mostly up to your friend, if you really want to do something yourself, you could try to have a discussion with her about it.
Explain that your relationship with him is completely platonic and you have no interest in him as anything more than a friend. She might respect that you approached her about it and realize that she was being a bit ridiculous about the whole thing.
Keep in mind, though, that this probably will not work. She is most likely just a very insecure girl who feels the need to control every aspect of her boyfriend’s life.
It is unlikely that she will change much. Hopefully, though, your friend will soon realize the error of his ways and kick her to the curb. And you and him can fall in love with each other and-oh wait, I’m sorry-.that’s how it always happens in the movies when a guy and a girl are “best friends.”
Yet another dangerous stereotype propelled by the motion picture industry. You should write them a letter.