Dear Devil’s Advocate,
My parents got divorced about three years ago which was pretty rough on me and my little sister. But now, it is even worse because my mom has started to date someone again. I hate coming home and seeing this guy around my house. He seems like he’s nice enough, but I just think it is way too soon for my mother to be in a relationship again. Am I being ridiculous over this?
– Doubting daughter
Yes, you are being a little ridiculous.
I understand that it must be really tough to see your mother dating again. Maybe in the back of your mind you thought that she and your father would get back together one day.
Or maybe you just do not like the idea of another man coming in to supposedly “take” your father’s place.
However, you have to try to look at it from your mother’s point of view. I’m sure she had an even tougher time handling the divorce than you did, but she dealt with it and moved on with her life. And now, she feels like she is ready to see someone else. It might seem like a short time to you, but three years is a pretty long time. And as for the whole “someone else taking your father’s place” business, I assure you that this new guy is not trying to do anything of the sort. Trying to incorporate himself into a ready-made family is probably 10 times more nerve-wracking for him than anything you might be feeling.
If you still feel uncomfortable with the whole idea, talk to your mom about it. I’m sure she would be all too willing to listen to your thoughts.
Just remember, though, she might be your mother, but she is also a person too, and she deserves to have her own life.
Besides, if your mom is happy, life is happy for you too. I mean, doesn’t your mom make your life a living hell when she is in a bad mood? No? Maybe that’s just my mom then.
Dear Devil’s Advocate,
My boyfriend is absolutely amazing, except for one tiny thing. He constantly talks about how hot other girls are, even when I’m around. Whether it’s celebrities, my friends, or just some girls we see when we’re out together, he’s always making comments. I think it’s pretty rude, but I don’t want to come off like I’m a crazy jealous girlfriend. What can I do to make him stop?
-Jealous But Won’t Admit It
First off, you’ve got to pick your battles here. Getting your boyfriend to stop ogling girls when you are out is one thing, but getting jealous over him talking about celebrities is a little psycho. He is never, ever going to meet these famous hotties and even if he did, they would never, ever go for him. Therefore, they are no threat you. Give up on that childish battle.
As for the making comments on “real” girls when you are out together, yes, that is a little rude. It is perfectly normal for guys and girls to admire members of the opposite sex, even when they are in a relationship, but there is a line that has to be drawn.
He should not be making blatant comments about how hot they are when he is with you, and he certainly should not be making any such comments about your friends. That is kind of a scumbag thing to do.
Try to mention this to your boyfriend. It is slightly possible that he may not even realize what he is doing. If he truly cares about you, he’ll take your comments to heart and try to make a concerted effort to hold back on the comments. If he brushes it all off completely however, then you may want to reconsider your choice of a boyfriend.
You could take another route, however, and do the same thing to him as he is doing to you. Point out every hot guy you see when you are out with him and make subtle comments on which friends of his you think are attractive, as well. Is this immature? Absolutely. Is it effective? It’s pretty much guaranteed.