Dear Devil’s Advocate,
My boyfriend and I broke up about three months ago and I can’t seem to get over it. Whenever I get a chance, I find myself checking his away messages, profiles, and any pictures he posts online to see if he is dating anybody else. Every time I see a new girl in a picture with him, I feel like crying. I don’t understand how he is able to move on so quickly and I’m not. How can I stop this obsessive checking up on him and get on with my own life?
Well, you have got to move on. You have no choice in that. Unless you want to become the psycho, stalker ex-girlfriend that no guy will ever be crazy enough to date. That said, it is hard to move on from a break-up. It is even harder when it seems like your ex is having absolutely no problem starting his new life away from you. It makes it seem like your relationship meant nothing to him.
You must stop checking up on him. I know it is extremely easy to just click a button online and be able to get a sneak peek into his world but, honestly, this is way more detrimental to you than it is to him. You are never going to move on if you are still this interested in his life. You have to force yourself not to do these things. Take him off your buddy list or just do not go online for a while, whatever it takes.
Most importantly, you just have to start living your own life. Your ex-boyfriend is not the only thing that makes you who you are, even though it can seem that way if you were dating him for a long time. And if, in reality, you had only been dating him for a month, I really do not want to know. That would make my whole response worthless because you would truly just be a stalker.
Dear Devil’s Advocate,
My best friend and I have known each other since first grade. Even though we were not always in the same class or school, while we were growing up, we always remained close. When we ended up going to the same college, we were both really excited.
But now, things have changed a little. Even though she and I are still really close, I’m starting to notice that she kind of changes her personality around different people. It’s like she’s so desperate for people to like her that she molds her herself to whatever she thinks these new people will like.
She still acts the same around me, but it’s starting to get really annoying. Am I just being selfish or should I say something to her about this?
I would not say that you are necessarily being selfish. It can be annoying for anybody to see a good friend trying so desperately to fit in that she does not even act like herself anymore.
However, this can be a tricky subject to broach. Your friend is not doing anything truly hurtful to you, other people, or even herself. While it is absolutely normal to want your friend to just act like herself, she does not seem to agree with that. It is likely that your friend does not even realize what she is doing. Some people just naturally adopt the personality traits of the people they are hanging around.
Ordinarily, I’d say that you could try to talk to your friend about this, but I think that might cause more problems in your relationship with her. She might end up resenting you for implying that she is acting “fake.” I would wait it out for a bit and see if your friend naturally ceases this behavior on her own.
If you do decide to talk to her, however, be careful about how you voice your concerns to her. After all, would you rather endure a few annoyances or really hurt your close friend? I would say to just suck it up and deal with it. Until this becomes a symptom of multiple personality disorder, that is. Then you can consult a professional.