Dear Devil’s Advocate,
I am currently dating an older man, and we’ve been together for the past 7 months and counting. I don’t see him often. He is critical of my weight, and has said to me that he usually goes for “model girls” but is with me because I’m a “good person”. I may have some extra meat but I’m no Rosie O’Donnell by any means. I put effort into getting dressed nicely when we have a date, but when I ask him how my outfits look, he will answer “honestly” and tell me “not so good.” He didn’t show up to my birthday party, and later explained his vow of not celebrating birthdays in any way. I do like him…and am still with him…sometimes happy, sometimes not so happy. He says I should appreciate his honesty. I’m not sure what I’m asking. Maybe I just want to know what someone else thinks.
Signed,The “Good” Girl
Dear Good Girl,
This man sounds like a world-class jerk who has found a compliant and somewhat meager victim in none other than you! I do have to give it to him for being a smart jerk. Well, you are not his punching bag. You are his girlfriend. This is supposed to be a beneficial union of two people with positive attitudes who contribute to each other’s existence. He is just contributing to your non-existence of confidence. If you weren’t self-conscious, his commentary would be seen for exactly what it is– the ramblings of a negative, miserable human being. People who are happy, enjoying life, and working towards bettering themselves don’t walk around with a negative inventory of random critiques of everyone and everything (including this non-birthday celebrating gobbledygook). Granted, it may very well be true that he is anti-celebration, but he should take into account that MOST humans DO celebrate birthdays and that you, his girlfriend, are one of them. It seems as though he is having some serious problems finding things to celebrate in his life. You need to work on loving yourself with or without the approval of others. This guy needs a psychiatrist not a girlfriend.
Dear Devil’s Advocate,
My boyfriend of three months has yet to change his MySpace status from “single” to “in a relationship.” One of my girlfriends posted a comment on his page advising him that he should make this change because he is obviously taken by a very good looking girl (me). He deleted this comment. I don’t want to make myself look like a psycho by getting into this MySpace nonsense, but I would be lying if I said it didn’t bother me.
Signed,Troubled by His Space
You would also be lying by withholding information from your boyfriend, namely that this is bothering you. I wouldn’t get too crazy about his not revealing his relationship status to everyone on MySpace because I think we can be pretty sure that people who make a point of updating every change in their life on a regular basis really don’t have a life…a real one that is. Though I must say that his active effort in erasing your friend’s comment to him is quite shady. What is a girl to do? One of two things. Give him a taste of his own medicine by posting pictures of yourself with really good looking guy friends that he doesn’t know, and directing them to post titillating comments asking when you’re going to be available to grace them with your presence next. If this doesn’t strike a chord, I’m not sure that there are any to be struck. However, he may say he doesn’t care or not even mention it, but if you pay attention to his actions, you will know he is bothered. You, my dear, can laugh inside at this point because you will know exactly what’s up. Option two involves not saying anything about the erased comment incident but simply asking him to change his status to reflect the truth of the matter– that he is indeed taken. If he fails to comply, please add to your own life by subtracting shady MySpace loser from it, and when you do, don’t thank me. Thank you.
Dear Devil’s Advocate,
Last semester, I was interested in this beautiful girl that was in one of my classes. I really liked her because unlike other really good-looking girls, she had a personality to match. The one time we hung out outside of class, I screwed everything up. Being quite full of myself (for good reason of course), I propositioned her with an offer that she gladly (and quickly) refused. I didn’t say it directly, but I pretty much spelled it out for her. I told her I wanted her since the first time I saw her, and repeatedly asked her if she was thinking what I was thinking. Apparently, she wasn’t. I see her from time to time now, but she barely even says hello to me. Do you think I may still have a chance?
A chance? You’re kidding, right? This girl does love someone, herself…enough to know that a guy who basically throws himself at her (no offense, of course) is usually only interested in one thing. Don’t feel bad though. You started off well by acknowledging her rare mix of looks and personality. If you liked her for being different, why didn’t you treat her differently? Clearly, your mode of operation is very hormonally charged and direct. So, why didn’t you do the opposite and show some respect? Feeling bad about your loss is no excuse not to improve your game, though. Next time you meet someone you are interested in, hang out with her long enough to determine if she is looking for a relationship or purely looking to have fun. This may have helped you out with the one who got away because you would have known better than to be so forward. Now, you will just have to suffer the consequences of feeling the wrath of a respectable young lady.