Dear Devil’s Advocate,
I know a lot of people ask you relationship questions, but I desperately need help! There is this girl in my class who is pretty cool and I like her a lot.
We make small talk before and after class, but I am the one who has to initiate the conversation every time. I was going to ask her out, but then I found out that she has a boyfriend from back home.
Home for her is far away, but I still didn’t think I should ask her out if she’s got a boyfriend. I could say it’s my morals, but it’s mostly just because I figured she would say no and I am not a fan of rejection. So, I stopped initiating conversation and kept a distance.
But now, she keeps talking to me and I can’t shake the feeling that I should ask her out.
Half of me can’t help but think that maybe she thinks about me the way I think of her.
When I think of that, then I consider going for it and asking her out. The other half thinks I shouldn’t because of her boyfriend back home. Any advice? Sincerely, Quizzical Quinn
This is a tough situation. It’s never easy to make the first move and ask a girl out, but throwing a boyfriend into the mix just makes it that much harder. The way I see it, you have three choices.
Your first choice would be to stop. Stop everything. Stop thinking about her. Stop wondering if she likes you. Stop wondering if she is sick of her boyfriend.
Stop contemplating if you should ask her out. Stop brushing your teeth every day just to impress her. Well, maybe you shouldn’t stop that one.
Your second choice is to sheepishly make conversation with her every time you see her. Never make a move on her out of respect for her boyfriend. Wait for something to happen.
Maybe she will break up with her boyfriend in a couple months. Maybe she will just ask you out after a couple weeks.
Or, maybe you will end up not seeing her again after the semester is over and you won’t have to worry about her anymore.
Lastly, you could just ask her out. Just say, “You want to go out sometime?” If she shoots you down with the boyfriend bomb, then at least you will have gone down in a blaze of glory.
You have to be careful with this approach, though, because she might actually say yes and then you have a whole new batch of problems to deal with. Where do you go? What do you wear? What do you talk about? Who pays?
Is it just friends? When do you kiss her? Do you kiss her? What if she was joking when she said yes? Did you forget to put on deodorant?
It’s probably best just to choose option number two for the both of you. There are other fish in the sea that are not tied down, so go get them!
Sincerely, Devil’s Advocate ? ? ? ? ? ?
Dear Devil’s Advocate,
I just started seeing this guy “Rob,” and he really is a nice guy. Whenever we go out, he treats me like a lady, pays for everything and opens every door!
We have a lot of the same hobbies, and share the same personal values, which is really hard to find at this age.
There is one problem that I have no idea how to fix. He always wants to be with me. I know most girls would kill for this, but it is starting to annoy me.
He’ll call eight times a day just to say hello and to see what I’m doing. If I’m not doing something with him, he’ll get really jealous.
All my friends think that I should dump him and find a new guy, but I really don’t want to do that!
What should I do to make him less clingy, but save my relationship at the same time?
Sincerely, Smothered Sam
Well, Sam, this guy isn’t really everything a girl could want is he? If he was, then he would give you some space sometimes. Fear not, however, for the Devil’s Advocate can help you! There are some things you definitely should do and some things you definitely should not do.
The first thing you should do is to start ignoring his calls. Just don’t pick up the phone. Eventually he will get the point and stop calling you so much. And when you do pick up, tell him you don’t have much time to talk because you have to go soon.Second, when he is around and he just won’t leave you alone, make up excuses why he should leave. Be careful, though. You can’t make it look like you don’t want him around.
Say you have a lot of homework to get done. Or you need to take a nap. Be creative. Perhaps it’s your grandmother’s 80th birthday and you need to give her a call.
One thing you definitely should not do is to be direct and honest with him. Don’t explain the situation rationally to him.
Don’t let him know how you feel. Don’t tell him that you love him, but he is crowding you and that you need some space. I know it sounds weird, but if you do that, then your relationship is doomed to fail. Truth is the silent killer of all relationships.
Of course, if you believed a word of any of that, then your relationship was probably doomed from the start.
Face facts and do the right thing: be honest and tell him how you feel. That’s the only way to make any progress.
Sincerely, Devil’s Advocate