
Male-female friendship.
Societal norms often suggest that this relationship is complex, but can be reasoned with some calculation.
Not all math problems seek solutions, but social expectations and traditions have predetermined that romantic partnership is a desired conclusion in this equation. For decades, cisgender men and women have been encouraged to adhere to the “rules” that exist within a long-standing stereotype.
In this ratio, value is most frequently measured on a romantic love scale. While the logistics of the relationship are open to interpretation, it can be reasoned that on one side of this scale is emotional commitment. On the other, pure physical intimacy.
Rob Reiner’s romantic comedy classic “When Harry Met Sally” examined the gender gaps that exist in friendships of cisgender men and women from different perspectives. Still, platonic love for a friend blossoms into romance in the end.
This raises an additional question: How many times have you been told that men and women can’t be “just friends?”
St. John’s University senior Lex Autera says frequently throughout her life.
“I think because of things like movies or even hearing about situations that happen in real life, people have become convinced that men and women can’t be just friends. It’s a hard concept for some to understand,” Autera said.
That’s not to say that the senior agrees with what has been suggested to her.
“I’m in these types of friendships, so I believe that men and women can easily be just friends, as long as there has never been any attraction or wanting anything more from each other. The vibe has to be strictly platonic,” she said.
Senior Veronica Minissale reflected on her own experiences with cross-gender friendships.
“I have girl and guy friends that I know don’t have other intentions,” Minissale said. “If they did and I had a partner, I would make it clear I wouldn’t want anything besides a friendship.”
While Minissale recognizes that gender should not define friendship status, she added that “prioritizing what is important” should be highly regarded when a significant other is added to the equation.
“It doesn’t matter as long as there is respect for both sides. Communication is key in these situations because oftentimes, there are misunderstandings,” she said.
Senior Brendan Geddes provided a fresh perspective by stating that not all opposite-gender friendships are purely based on physical attraction and intimacy.
“Look at Jerry and Elaine from Seinfeld,” Geddes told The Torch. “In an ideal world, a friendly relationship, even between former partners, should be acceptable.”
While the potential for romantic attraction can be considered solid evidence in favor of one side of the debate, someone like Geddes would argue that platonic partnerships are more than feasible. He finalized this conclusion with some promising elements to think about when it comes to people in general.
“Cliched, but trust is the most important element to any relationship, romantic or not,” Geddes said.
Sophomore Oskar Bohaczyk expressed his appreciation for mutual respect when asked about being in a relationship with someone who has a close friend who is the same gender as him.
“If my partner is friends with a person that I can’t really trust, or have a gut feeling about something that doesn’t feel right, then I would tell them,” he said. “If they’re a good partner, they will hopefully stop talking to them, or talk to them less.”
This led to the conversation of boundary crosses, and for Bohaczyk, too much “quality time” would raise unwanted concerns for him.
“I wouldn’t mind my partner hanging out with them here and there, but there’s definitely a point where it becomes excessive,” he concluded.
Male-female friendships consist of two variables, regardless of the values they carry. However, these values are what determines the level of complexity, or simplicity, within the dynamic.
Regardless of status, no relationship is as simple as a standard mathematical equation.