The Independent Student Newspaper of St. John's University

The Torch

The Independent Student Newspaper of St. John's University

The Torch

The Independent Student Newspaper of St. John's University

The Torch

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Jack & Jill: Cheating: Dealbreaker or moving forward?


If there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s that very few people are trustworthy. And if there’s one other thing I’ve learned, it’s never to say never.

If those two axioms combine in the worst way, and I find out that you’ve cheated on me, I’ll probably channel my inner T-Swift and say that “WeeEEE are never, ever, ever getting back together” (complete with raising the inflection of my voice to show how serious I am).

My resolve will hold for awhile, but there’s a decent chance that I’ll relent.

Why? Because we’re all human, we all make mistakes, and in college, there is so much opportunity to fall astray in a relationship.

Cheating in a committed relationship is awful, unforgivable and should not be tolerated. But let’s take a step back here. We’re not married, and unless we’ve talked about the prospect, the seriousness of whatever we have here is very much up for debate.

I’m not saying that it makes it okay to be unfaithful — I’m just saying it makes it okay for me to forgive you if the situation arises.

Of course, a relationship is never the same afterward — either for better or worse. You could realize how much better’n everyone else I am, and how we’re perfect for each other, or the bonds of trust could dissolve completely and forever, dooming us to late-night screaming matches and teardrops on our proverbial guitars (two Taylor references — also, cheating with Taylor Swift is always okay, for either party).

But what I can’t agree with is the “once a cheater, always a cheater” cliché that has somehow become an unchallenged
fact. For one thing — not all cheating is created equal. A drunken kiss at a bar is not the same as a drawn-out affair with coded text messages and secret meeting places.

Secondly, I can’t honestly say that I’ve never looked at another woman with wandering eyes, wondering what it’d be like. I don’t think I’ll ever act on those impulses, but I don’t want to hold you to a standard that I’m not sure I can match myself. I’ll forgive you, because I’d want you to do the same if I strayed.

Another thing that makes no sense is that if someone apologizes when caught being unfaithful, they’re “only sorry because they got caught.” Or, more likely, they felt so awful that they couldn’t bring themselves to admit to their wrongdoing because they didn’t want toruin a good thing. I’m not saying that makes it okay — I’m just saying relationships are more complex than simple catchphrases.

All of this assumes, of course, that the cheating party shows sincere contrition when their infidelities are revealed. And when I say sincere, “sorry, babe” doesn’t cut it. I want flowers when I get home (I don’t even like flowers, but still), my favorite dinner for three nights straight and my online homework to be magically completed when I log on.

If not, then we really are never, ever, ever getting back together.


I love you, but not enough to let you play with my emotions. What we have is real, well at least I believe so.

If you found out I cheated on you, I’m pretty sure you would throw it in my face and get back at me.  I’m not stupid and I would never cheat and give you a reason to make me look that way.

With the semester coming up to midterms, I have no time to think of the possibility of you being unfaithful. Trust me when I say that I trust you, but a girl needs to stand up for herself.  I have too much going on right now between classes, internships and work, for me to stress over whether or not my boyfriend, who I love dearly, is being loyal to me. There is no way I’d be okay knowing you were ever with another girl.

“Once a cheater, always a cheater!” is what I have heard from anyone I talk to. I’m not too sure if I totally believe that statement, because I like to believe that some people do change, but I can’t see myself taking any chances.

I don’t think I have it in me to sit there and listen to you say sorry over and over again until I eventually relent and we kiss and make up.  How would I know you were serious and not only sorry that you got caught!

Is there really a difference between catching you cheating and you telling me you cheated? No! Not in my book.

At the end of the day, you were unfaithful. Cheating is cheating. It is black and white, no room for any gray. Why should I allow you back in my life when I have so much more to think about?

Sure, at times I feel like I need you. I wouldn’t be dating you if I didn’t. You make me a better person. But at the end of the day, I need myself more. I need to love myself more than I love you and that means respecting myself even when you didn’t.

You’d really mess up my self-esteem, making it hard for me to get even the easy things done. I need to focus on me first. If you cheated on me and I let you back in my life, it would just create more unnecessary stress in my life. Of course it would be hard to jump back into the loop after finding out you’ve cheated, but I would rather that than have to worry about you cheating again.

You know the saying, “Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.” I’m not letting that happen. If I gave you another chance, I would just be creating the possibility of being hurt again. And trust me, the second time is always worse. If you truly loved me and respected me, cheating wouldn’t even be a topic of discussion.

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