The Independent Student Newspaper of St. John's University

The Torch

The Independent Student Newspaper of St. John's University

The Torch

The Independent Student Newspaper of St. John's University

The Torch

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Advice from the Feature Section

Question: I am currently seeing two guys, both of whom I like equally. Thus, I am torn between which one I should pick for a steady boyfriend. I feel really guilty “playing the field,” yet I find no other possible solution. What should I do? -Two-Guy Gal

Dear Two-Guy,

As much as I would like to yell “You go, girl!” and give you a big fat thumbs up, I must shake my head at this fine mess of a situation you have gotten yourself into.

When dealing with matters of the heart, you should always follow the golden rule: Treat others as you would like to be treated. If the shoe were on the other foot and you were one of two girls “gettin’ played,” how would that make you feel? And please be honest, if you will (otherwise this advice will not work): Not even a lightening bolt sent from God Himself would stop you from slashing homeboy’s tires!

So be honest with those two poor souls. They may belong to that awful fraternity known as “Men,” but they still do not deserve such terrible, misleading treatment. If anything, put your own mind at ease, and silence the voices in your head.

Question: I am from the other side of the United States; I am far from home. When I chose SJU, I thought I could handle this big city. However, it turns out that I was wrong. I am used to my small friendly town. Although I have been here for a short time, I have noticed that my personality has completely changed. I was once friendly and incredibly social. When I arrived in NYC, I subconsciously entered an unhealthy, antisocial state, from which I want to escape. I yearn to communicate with my new peers. I do not have enough courage to do so. I cannot even focus on my studies. For example, I have tons of work that I should be doing instead of typing this, but it is impossible to sit and start my work. I know that I need to find a remedy soon. I need to earn good marks, but I am so homesick. Help. -Lone Wolf

Dear Lone Wolf,

Although you may feel alone, you are not the first student to experience isolation and homesickness-and you will not be the last.

Like any change in your life, the transition to college may take a while to get used to and you are bound to feel lonely at times. The best way to combat this loneliness is by meeting new people, as difficult as you might find that task to be.

St. John’s offers a wide variety of activities that students can get involved in. By joining one of the organizations, you will be able to get to know other students who hold similar interests to your own. You may even find your best friend in one of these groups.

You can also expand your horizons beyond Gate 1. It could be beneficial to go off-campus to develop new hobbies and meet other people. There are plenty of places where you can volunteer to help others. Also, you should take advantage of the city that never sleeps and take a big old chunk out of the Apple.

If your problems go deeper than just making friends, the school also offers free counseling through the Counseling Center located on the first floor of Marillac. There are people available there who you can talk to if you feel you need it.

Question: This is my senior year as a pre-med major, and it is time for me to apply to med schools and keep my GPA up. At the same time, about a week ago, my girlfriend and I broke up. My break-up is eating me alive and interfering with my concentration on my school work and application process. Please tell me how I should go about handling this. -Doc Got No Love

Dear Doc,

First, I would like to say how sorry I am about your split. Break-ups are tough on both parties involved-the Dumpee and, as hard as it is to believe, the Dumper.

Whichever role you played in your relationship’s demise, you must move on. Granted, this is easier said than done, but you cannot allow this paper-cut to mutate into a gangrenous arm. It may sting today, but it will not hurt as much tomorrow.

First, you and your former counterpart must establish some sense of closure. Without some sort of finalization, you will never be able to focus on anything except that newly-formed void. You can do this by having one last talk with your ex-girlfriend or you can write a letter; get out everything that you ever wanted to say on paper. You do not even have to mail the letter. Personally, I recommend that you burn it.

After you pass the prerequisite of closure, how do you achieve post-break-up prosperity? To put it simply, accentuate the positive! No matter how worthless you may feel right now, you have got to remember that you led a meaningful existence before you met your ex and that you will continue to so after her departure.

You have got so much going for you. Not only have you made it to your senior year of college, but you are also on your way to medical school! That is very impressive and you do not want to let anything (or anyone) set you on that unproductive path that you have obviously worked so hard to side step.

Think of your life as a huge tub of buttery popcorn and your past relationship as a kernel of that whole bucket. So what if you drop that one piece of popcorn on your way to your seat in the theater? You still have a whole tub of buttery goodness waiting for you to dig in!

Question: I have a friend who always lies to make herself look better. She made up a lie about her having a new car and whenever someone asks her why she is still taking public transportation or bums a ride from someone else, she makes up another lie to over up the first one. Everyone knows that she is lying, but no one knows how to approach her without calling her a liar to her face. What do I do? -Fib No More Forever

Dear Fib No More,

First of all, if your friend finds the need to lie about things, there might be a deeper problem.

Issues could stem from various places. She could have an impoverished home life that she feels is inferior to yours and therefore lies to cover it up. She may also have a lack of trust in you as a friend. She may feel the need to lie because she does not trust that you will not belittle her for being poor or whatever the case may be.

To confront the issue you should gently address your friend that you have noticed some inconsistencies with the various tales that she has told to you and others of your circle. This would best be done on a one-on-one basis for no one wants to feel embarassed or attacked from all sides.

On the other hand, if she continues to constantly fib, it is up to you to re-evaluate what you look for in a friendship. Does this person meet your criteria?

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