The Independent Student Newspaper of St. John's University

The Torch

The Independent Student Newspaper of St. John's University

The Torch

The Independent Student Newspaper of St. John's University

The Torch

Advice from the features section

Dear Devil’s Advocate,

I’ve been seeing my current boyfriend for a little over six months now and things are great. I couldn’t ask for a better guy. However, his ex-girlfriend continues to attempt to talk to him online and in school. He does his best to avoid her, but at times it’s impossible.

I’m not at all worried about my boyfriend going back to her, but it really bothers me that she continues to try to stay in his life, even though she knows he has a new girlfriend. What should I do?


—Get out of his life


Dear Get out,

The curse of the ex is an age old problem. There are some people in this life who refuse to believe a relationship is over, even if it has been dead for years and the object of their affection is showing no signs of ever wanting them back. We call these people “desperate losers.”

Unfortunately, the advent of the Internet made it even easier on these desperate losers to stay in contact with their exes. Calling an ex on the phone might seem too forward and risky, whereas chatting online seems laidback and casual. Technology can have its drawbacks.

In any event, I’m glad to hear that your boyfriend appears to be trying to avoid his ex at all costs. That’s a good first step. Some people might even try to tell you that his nonchalance towards her should be enough to allow you to forget about this problem.

I am not one of those people.

There are enough things to worry about in relationships without having to deal with an ex who can’t take a hint. There is also little to no chance that this girl simply wants to “remain friends” with your boyfriend. That’s just a sad excuse.

My best advice to you is that while you should continue to be wary of this girl and her pathetic attempts to keep some kind of grasp on your boyfriend, don’t become obsessed with it. Your boyfriend broke up with her for a reason. More importantly, he is with YOU for a reason. Remember that-.but do not hesitate to be all over him if she is near. It’s only fair.


Dear Devil’s Advocate,

I recently moved and started a new college. My old friends are too far away to hang out a lot, and I’m having a hard time making new friends. Everyone seems to know each other already. What can I do to have any sort of social life?


—Socially stumped


Dear Stumped,

Starting over is always a tough thing. However, this is college. People are generally a bit more friendly and accepting here than they might be in high school. Besides simply trying to talk to someone, you can always join a club. One advantage of getting involved in an activity is that they usually come with a set of built-in friends. A major thing to remember, however, is not to try so hard to fit in. People can sense desperation and are usually put off by it. Take your time-people will soon realize what a great person you are. (This is contingent upon you actually being a great person. I, of course, don’t really know you and cannot be certain of this.)


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