The Independent Student Newspaper of St. John's University

The Torch

The Independent Student Newspaper of St. John's University

The Torch

The Independent Student Newspaper of St. John's University

The Torch

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Jack & Jill: The first date: How to Ensure You Get a Second


It’s taken me three weeks to work up the courage. You’ve said yes. That’s the first relief, but I can’t relax yet. I’ve made sure I’ve shaved every inch of my face (I even used the trimmer to make sure I got that patch under my nose I always seem to miss). This is the most important job interview I’ve ever been on: our first date.

I know you’re going to look at me the entire time and analyze everything I’m doing, what I’m saying and what I’m wearing. I dress properly for what we’re doing. I keep a tally of how many stupid jokes I’ve made.

The worst part is this – all the pressure is on me. It may be 2012, and gender roles may be rapidly fading as time passes, but for some reason I’m responsible for the how fun our date is, even though you’re probably more creative than me.

The first problem is where we’re going to go and what we’re going to do. This has to be magical, otherwise you’re going to think I’m some fool who keeps running off to the bathroom in the woods.

The first date has to be exciting; I want you to think I’m full of life. I want you to think I’m different, funny, charming even. Exciting.

But I don’t want to go too far. Different can become weird, funny can become immature and charming can be too over-the-top.

If I’ve asked you out, it means I’m into you. I can play off texting you constantly to my roommates as friendly banter; I can’t as easily when we’re going mini golfing – just the two of us. So I’m not going to ask you out unless I’m willing to subject myself to the questions and jokes from my friends. Jokes, you ask? Yeah, my friends are immature sometimes.

But I don’t know what you’re thinking. I don’t know if my jokes are being laughed at because you’re trying to be nice, or if you actually
find me funny. I don’t know if you actually love mini golf, or don’t want to offend me. Heck, I don’t even know if you’re at all into me in the first
place. You could just be out for the free dinner and ice cream – yes, it’s happened to me before.

The end is the most nerve-wracking part. The pressure is all on me. Try to go too far, and I could blow an otherwise successful night. Don’t go far enough, and I run the risk of losing your interest. And that’s assuming that we both view the date the same way. What if I have a
great time and you were bored to tears? Or what if I hated it and you’re in love? It can be overwhelming.

The best date? The one where you make me forget about all this stuff; the one where you tell as many stupid jokes as me; the one where you challenge me to an eating contest – and win. Just being yourself will help me be me.


Nothing can accurately describe the emotions felt before a first date. There’s excitement, fear, a little bit of nervousness and a concoction of emotions that can’t quite be put into words. Everything’s leading up to the moment that I see you.

At this point, we’ve already moved past the “Is he interested in me?” stage and now we’re at the “I hope he’s not crazy” stage. That’s pretty much
all a first date is – a test, an interview.

That being said, we’re really more focused on ourselves than on the other person. I’ll be wearing my new top and those shoes that make my butt look good. You’ll actually comb and style your hair and maybe even iron your shirt.

The conversation will focus on safe subjects while we silently wonder how we’re being received. The discussion about classes, basketball and the latest reality TV drama will fill the air as we try to learn more about each other and our compatibility. This will all be happening as we each try to hide any and all of our unflattering characteristics or habits. The conscious effort to not reference any of our potential red flags or limiting the use of our unique catchphrases will help us maintain our impeccable first impression.

The date becomes a lot less awkward if we have something to do. The classic dinner and a movie date is nice… for a second or third date. Starting off with dinner on a first date can lead to awkward silences and polite conversation. It becomes incredibly hard to open up. Bring me to a bowling alley first and you will learn all about me. Like how I’m just a little bit competitive and how my socks don’t always match. Trivia night at the bar? I happen to know every Best Picture winner in the last five decades.

You’re a college student – just like me – without a large discretionary income. I understand that, so please understand when I offer to pick up my half of the check or the next round of beers. You don’t have to accept, but I want to show you that I’m more than just a pretty face looking for a free meal.

But let’s be clear: taking me out does not guarantee a kiss. Or anything else for that matter. If I feel the chemistry and I feel comfortable enough then I may kiss you. If I really see a potential future with you – kissing is all we will do. Anything more leads to complications and I really don’t want to be that girl. Especially not on the first date.

Just remember, there’s no such thing as a perfect first date. There’s always something that goes wrong, whether it’s a terrible joke or the fact that you had to use the little pink bowling ball because the others were too heavy.

Don’t try anything too drastic, just relax and be (mostly) yourself. Once you get through the interview, the hard part  is over. The rest is just on the job training.

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