The Independent Student Newspaper of St. John's University

The Torch

The Independent Student Newspaper of St. John's University

The Torch

The Independent Student Newspaper of St. John's University

The Torch

Love, Lies & SJU

Q: My sister and I are only a year apart and have beenvery close our entire lives. Recently, we’ve had a nastymisunderstanding. Her boyfriend and I have been friends for as longas I can remember (even before he and my sister started dating),but nothing more. A couple of weeks ago, her boyfriend/my friendgave me a ride to where I was supposed to be meeting a group of myother friends. We had to drop my sister off at home first, andafter she got out of the car, my sister claims that she saw me andher boyfriend kissing before we pulled away from the curb. He and Iare both really confused because we have never fooled around, andwe don’t know where she got this. But even more, I’m really hurtthat my sister would actually think that I’d do something like thatto her. I’ve tried talking to her and we’re cordial with oneanother, but there is so much tension that things aren’t how theyused to be. How do I regain my sister’s trust?
Trust in Me

Dear Trust,
First, if you and your friend/sister’s boyfriend really didn’t doanything, then you have nothing to feel guilty about. You shouldn’thave to regain someone’s trust when you’ve done nothinglegitimately wrong to lose it.

The silver lining in your cloud is that you and your sister areon speaking terms. It may not be the “way it used to be,” but it’sa start. So, believe it or not, your sister does still trust you-toa certain extent. If anything, she’s at least trying to rebuildthat trust in you. But like I’ve said before, you’ve done nothingwrong.

This may suck to hear, but maybe you should question the truestatus of your relationship with your sister. If she knows that youlove her, then why would she believe that you would hurt her? Haveyou ever given her a reason to doubt your loyalty to her? I thinkthese are serious questions to consider.

If anything talk to your sister more, and have her explainexactly what she saw. Perception is always the instigator in thesetypes of situations.


Q: My boyfriend and I are very much in love and have beenfor the past year. The only thing that’s wrong with ourrelationship is that I’m beginning to think his friend is reallycute. I’ve even told his friend this, and he says he has feelingsfor me too. We’ve even kissed a couple of times. I’m not writing toask you what I should do about the situation (I’m pretty sure thatI’m going to leave my boyfriend); I just don’t know how to tell himwithout hurting him. He’s a really nice guy, which is why I lovehim so much. I just don’t want to hurt him too bad. How should Ibreak up with him?
Love ‘Em and Leave ‘Em

Dear Love,
You must not love him all that much! And his friend must not be toomuch of a friend either! You kissed your beau’s friend before youhad the decency to break things off, for goodness sake! Ifanything, you’re a hypocrite; you can’t just gush on and on abouthow much you and your boyfriend are in love, while making waves inthe relationship with his friend. Hang your head in shame!!!Granted, I don’t know anything about the character of yourboyfriend, but I must admit that the only reason that I’m evenentertaining the thought of answering your question is because thebest thing for your boyfriend is for you to be as far out of hislife as possible.

I guess the only advice that I can give you is to try thisradical style of dialogue called honesty. I know this may be new toyou, but it’s for the best; trust me. Tell him everything you toldme, plus a little more. Just be truthful! Of course, the stuff youjust relayed to me jerked a tear or two, so you can imagine whatit’s going to do to your boyfriend.

Whatever you say to him, at least give him the courtesy ofexplaining why you’re leaving him. Other than your hormones, do youeven know why?

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