Devil’s Advocate

Dear Devil’s Advocate,

My friends and I had an awesome spring break planned, but then for a couple of reasons, everything fell apart. Now spring break is only a few days away and we have no idea what we should do. We could just stay in the area and have fun in New York, but that seems lame. We want to go on the coolest spring break ever! So, I guess what I am asking you is, what do you think the coolest spring break ever would be?

Sincerely,

Bummed Benjamin

Dear Benjamin,

It just so happens that I have a super fantastic idea for what you and your friends should do on spring break. First, this is what each of you will need: a globe that spins, a Polaroid camera, a passport, and everything necessary to travel internationally.
Okay, now for the plan. This spring break is going to be called, “The Devil’s Advocate Spring Break International Scavenger Hunt,” and it has two parts. Each of you will spin the globe and put your finger on a random country.

That country will be your individual destination for the first half of the trip. If you don’t like the country you get, then you can spin a second time, but after that you are stuck with what you get.

Before you each go to your country, you have to do two things. The first is to make a list of things to find and do. Have fun with this list. For example, going out for drinks with some locals can be worth one point.

Streaking during a local soccer stadium during a game can be worth 10 points. You get the idea. In order for one to get the points, there needs to be a Polaroid picture as proof.

For the second part of the trip, you will all meet at a pre-determined place and time (preferably somewhere sunny, warm, sandy, and near an ocean) and recount your adventures.
Of course, you will total up the points from the scavenger hunt and the loser will have to do something ridiculous, like streaking at a local soccer stadium.

What do you think? It’s probably the best spring break idea ever, right?

Sincerely,

Devil’s Advocate

Dear Devil’s Advocate,

My ex-boyfriend and I broke up a few months ago over some fight we had. He moved on to someone else almost immediately, but I didn’t. He seemed to be really happy with this new girl until one day, he came over and well, we hooked up.

I’ve never been the “other girl” before, but we’ve been having secret rendezvous for almost two months now. I don’t know how it happened, but just the other day, he and his actual girlfriend got engaged!

I’m sure it’s one of those engagements that is going to be several years long, but still! I love him and want to be with him, but I don’t like the situation we are in. What should I do?

Sincerely,

The Other Girl

Dear The Other Girl,

Man, that story has soap-opera potential or at the very least, it could be a trashy romance novel. You should look into that.

Anyway, the answer is simple. Read the second to last sentence you wrote. Here, I will re-write it for you: “I love him and want to be with him, but I don’t like the situation we are in.”
You need to tell him exactly that. Give him an ultimatum. Tell him that the situation between the two of you is going to change one way or another.

Either he is going to break it off with his fiancée (or is it a fiancé? Now that would be a soap-opera!) or you are going to be gone and out of his life forever. Or worse, you will tell his fiancée about the two of you!

I have to warn you, however, that you probably don’t want anything to do with this guy in the first place.

If he is cheating on his current fiancée with you, then who knows how many other girls he is cheating on her with. And who says that he won’t do the same thing to you if he accepts your ultimatum. I would run away from him faster than Usain Bolt.

I hope this advice helps. It’s really what you need to hear because you want something that he is not going to give you. You need to find someone who wants the same thing as you.

Sincerely,

Devil’s Advocate