Devil’s Advocate

Dear Devil’s Advocate,

I am graduating (hopefully!) in May but I have a severe case of senioritis. I have already been accepted to Law School and now I just cannot bring myself to do any work.

I feel like the work has no point anymore.
I have all these research papers and homework assignments to do and they are just weighing my mind down and stressing me out. It’s getting to the point where I am afraid my grades will slip and my
acceptance to Law School will be rescinded.

Do you have any ideas of how I can cure my senioritis?


Senior Stacey

Dear Stacey,

First of all, you should be warned about the other little known symptoms of senioritis. These include numbness of the left arm, slight pain in the right earlobe, and flu-like symptoms.

If you have any of these, you should contact your doctor because you might have full blown senioritis.

Now, on to the cure. Like many other illnesses, senioritis has both a conventional and an unconventional treatment. Let’s start with the unconventional one.

On a nice sunny day, go outside with three potatoes and a large tub of water. You need to stand on one foot in knee deep water while juggling the potatoes and spinning around counter-clockwise.

While you do this you must sing these words to the tune of “American Woman” by Lenny Kravitz/The Guess Who: “Senioritis does not exist and it has no power over me. Now I’m gonna go do my work.” After you do that three times, you should be cured.

The conventional cure is a little less complex. For this, all you need to do is sit down and remind yourself of a couple of things. First, tell yourself that senioritis does not exist. Second, remember that the longer you procrastinate, the more stressed out you will become. Third, make sure you have a healthy balance in your life between work, exercise and relaxation.

If you do those three things, then you will have a much easier time getting your work done. Of course, you could use the unconventional cure, but it doesn’t have as high of a success rate. If that’s the route you want to go, though, then I hope you can juggle!


Devil’s Advocate ? ? ? ? ? ?

Dear Devil’s Advocate,

I’m a very goal-oriented person. I always need to have a goal that I am working towards. I feel that it helps me grow as a person and it gives my life a purpose.

Lately, however, I have been having trouble thinking of a good long-term goal that I should try to strive for. It’s not that I can’t think of things about myself I can improve on. It’s more like I want something new and unique.

I have already had goals pertaining to working out, physical appearance, reading more books, socializing, and other things of that nature.

I just need to find something completely new that I can work on. Any ideas?


Goal-less Gary
Dear Gary,

The way the economy is today, I can think of a few goals you might have in the future. You might end up striving to collect enough change from passers-by to buy a couple of cheeseburgers from the dollar menu at McDonalds. Or, you might finding yourself aspiring to get a job pumping gas at your local gas station.

Seriously, though, I do have a couple ideas. In addition to your caveat of being unique, I think an appropriate goal should be both challenging and practical. By practical, I mean it should be useful in your every-day life.

In that vein, a great goal to have would be to learn how to cook. And I am not talking about TV dinners and Kraft macaroni and cheese.

I mean a full fledged three-course meal. I’m talking about lobster bisque, duck confit, and some Cr√®me Br√ªlée to top it all off.

Cooking is a great skill to have. It will help you save money because you will not have to order out so often. You can show off to your friends and let’s face it, girls like guys who know how to cook.

Of course, if you don’t like cooking, I have a few other ideas for a goal you could strive for.

You could learn how to juggle. Or you could become ambidextrous. Or you could even learn how to take the wrapper off a Starburst inside your mouth!

Good luck,

Devil’s Advocate