The Independent Student Newspaper of St. John's University

The Torch

The Independent Student Newspaper of St. John's University

The Torch

The Independent Student Newspaper of St. John's University

The Torch

Amanda Weekes

Love (noun.) 1. strong affection or liking for someone or something. 2. to woo, embrace, etc.

Illusion (noun.) 1. A false idea or conception 2. An unreal or misleading appearance or image.

I had a fight with my boyfriend last night. We are not perfect. There, I said it. Sometimes people disagree and fail to communicate, and this weekend, we did. A lot.

It’s hard to admit that. When you’re in a relationship, it seems that either you’re considered “the perfect couple” or the “couple with problems.”

To the outside world, there is no in between. Couples that fight are viewed as unhealthy, and couples that don’t fight are considered fake.

But we fight sometimes. This time it was stupid and meant nothing, but regardless we yelled and got carried away.

But I’m not sure I regret it. Fighting can breed communication, and communication can breed a healthier relationship.

In the wake of the upcoming “holiday,” I’ve been thinking a lot about relationships. It seems to me, when you don’t have one, you either want one or hate everyone that has one. When you do have one you feel like you shouldn’t.

No longer are couples viewed as happy and in love. They are viewed as gross and annoying; people who are living in a fantasy world.

It seems to me that the trend in the college world lately is to think that love doesn’t exist. People are together simply out of convenience. Sex, money and connections take precedent over feelings.

Getting married is viewed as a social disease that only infects the lonely, desperate, stupid and needy.

Fifty percent of marriages end in divorce. Given that, it is very reasonable to think that love does not play a part in our lives anymore. And why should it?

We are in a world where we can be completely self-sufficient in all aspects of our lives; a world where getting ahead in our career takes the driver’s seat while being happy and satisfied with ourselves sits in the back.

We are trained to push forward constantly toward success and run over everything in our way. Love, relationships and even family are no longer important in our world.

Yet people still try.

Being in a relationship in a world like this is sometimes an uphill battle. There’s a part of me that doesn’t want to admit I’m in a relationship, especially to those that I work with. And there’s another part of me that doesn’t want to admit I am smart and ambitious to those who know I have a boyfriend.

I am one of the few female Editor in Chiefs in the history of The Torch. I am in numerous honor societies and am in charge of hundreds of daily activities, which include schoolwork and putting in 30 hours a week at my job here.

And yet I have fallen victim to the conventions of love. Mixing the two worlds is not easy.

So maybe the fight wasn’t really with my boyfriend after all. The two worlds inside of me sometimes have bloody, vicious battles and it reflects in my relationship.

I want to have a full time career. I want to be in love. I want to make money and become powerful in my field. I want to get married. I want to be the primary breadwinner in my house. I want to have children. I don’t want to take time off from work to raise them.

I think many people face these same dilemmas. In a world where privacy is non-existent and every move has to be justified, nobody wants to be seen as weak or compromising.

Love has been replaced by sex; relationships have been replaced by careers, and anyone who disagrees is eaten alive by the mouths of distrust and disgust.

It makes me wonder why people even bother with relationships in a world like this. Why put your heart on the line and risk getting burned when you can be perfectly happy on your own? Yet people still do. I still do.

Regardless of what society tells us, people fall in love and think they fall in love everyday. It’s an unending paradox.

In a society where love is expressed in heart-shaped boxes of chocolate and greeting cards, it’s easy to get lost in the chaos. It can get so confusing at times one might just want to give up.

I’m trying to make an effort to simplify and celebrate my life, my work and my love. In a world where simplicity is rare, unpretentious living feels like one of the hardest things I’ve done in a while.

I’m not expecting perfection from myself, and certainly not from my relationships. Valentine’s Day can serve to point out life’s inadequacies or life’s pleasures. The choice is up to you.

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