Forgive me for sounding like your first grade teacher or one ofDetroit’s finest, but can I have your attention please…will thereal SJU please stand up?

Attention St. John’s Campus Bookstore, Foot Locker and MadisonSquare Garden merchandise outlets: Any shirts, hats orparaphernalia with the letters S-J-U no longer apply to the schoollocated on the corner of Union Turnpike and Utopia Parkway.

Immediately ship those items to Philadelphia because thebragging rights of SJU belong to the undefeated, 22-0 St. Joseph’sHawks.

Of the 326 Division I college basketball programs, SJU is rankedsecond in the country while St. John’s has been locked in thebasement, the key tossed into the Atlantic Ocean.

Call St. John’s the Red Storm, Johnnies or even Redmen if you’restill living in the 1980s, but whatever you do, just don’t call St.John’s SJU.

The state of St. Joseph’s basketball is at an all-time high andtheir run has just begun. SJU will win their conference tournament,finish the regular season perfectly and are headed to the NCAAtournament, where they will most likely receive a No. 1seeding.

Where is the state of St. John’s basketball? It’s somewherebetween your toilet and New York City’s sewer system.

St. Joseph’s is on top of the world. St. John’s has hit rockbottom.

Case in point: Featured on the cover of the Feb. 16 issue ofSports Illustrated is Jameer Nelson, the best point guard and thefrontrunner for National Player of the Year honors.

Guess what school he attends?

The Hawks’ star player, who will be an NBA lottery pick thisupcoming June represents his school by being on the cover of theworld’s greatest sports magazine.

Where is St. John’s leading scorer and floor general? When he’snot enjoying his 20th birthday at Club Erotica in downtownPittsburgh, he’s withdrawing from the school instead of facingexpulsion. He’s on back pages of local New York newspapers, withhis lawyer saying he had no idea of a curfew on road games. What agentleman and a scholar!

Wait, wait (flipping through my issue of SI)…Page24…36…59…wait…there’s St. John’s. The Red Storm got amention too, finally on page 87.

So what if it’s only 100 or so words, an eighth of a pagediscussing suspensions and expulsions resulting from the Pittsburghsex scandal that rocked the St. John’s campus and community.

SJU does not have to worry about that. Unlike the Red Storm,which has already had its madness come a month early, the Hawks andtheir fans have March to look forward to, where they will partystraight to the first weekend in April, also known as this year’sFinal Four, held in San Antonio, Texas.

Want to know why the Hawks should be the only team in thecountry that fans can chant “Go S-J-U Go” at home games?

Prior to Saturday’s 73-59 win over Rhode Island, SJU had won all21 of their contests. St. John’s, playing in the same amount ofgames, had won just five and lost 10 of its last 11.

Here are a few more reasons why St. Joseph’s deserves to be theonly team in the nation called SJU.

Exhibit A: The Hawks have beaten NCAA tournament boundand top-25 teams like Gonzaga and Dayton (How ’bout them Hawkscousin Michael?)
The Red Storm has lost to Fairfield and Hofstra at Alumni Hall, andhas barely beaten St. Francis, N.Y. and Niagara.

Exhibit B: Common opponents: SJU has beaten Pennsylvania,Boston College and Villanova, by a combined 29 points.
St. John’s has lost to the Quakers, Eagles and Wildcats by acombined 41 points. That’s a 70-point turnaround. Next!

Exhibit C: SJU has scored 1,668 points in their 21victories, allowing only 1,302. St. John’s has scored 1,308, givingup 1,471.
That means that the Hawks win by an average of 17.4 points per gameand the Johnnies lose by an average of 7.7 points.
So, if the Hawks and Storm were to go head-to-head, the end resultwould be a blowout, probably something as follows: SJU 100, St.John’s 35.

Exhibit D: St. John’s has only led once at halftime thisseason, all the way back on Nov. 26 when the Johnnies defeatedStony Brook for their first win of the season. St. John’s has beenoutscored by 107 points overall in the first 20 minutes.
SJU has netted 851 points in the first half, while only allowing566. You do the math!

Exhibit E: SJU head coach Phil Martelli is a Coach of theYear candidate. St. John’s fired its head coach just six games intothe season (the first move of the conference’s kind in the 25-yearhistory of the Big East).
Its interim coach has a record of 3-12 and now the Red Storm haveto convince someone why taking over their program would besomething that’s in his best interest. Good luck!

Exhibit F: RPI (College Basketball Rating PercentageIndex) aka the power rankings of college basketball.
St. Joseph’s: 1, St. John’s: 145.

Exhibit G: Attendance: In November, both teamsparticipated in the annual Coaches vs. Cancer tournament held atMadison Square Garden, a place the Johnnies call their home awayfrom home.
Tickets reserved for St. John’s students were not sold out andthere was a small crowd of just 6,222 as the Storm lost toMarquette, 52-45.
St. Joseph’s defeated Gonzaga, 73-66 in front of a crowd of10,328.

We are St. John’s. St. Joseph’s is SJU.

Joseph Manniello is a junior journalism major,who would like to thank his assistant Joe Staszewski for giving himthis great idea for a column. St. Joe’s and Asst. Joe. Freaky! Ifthe Hawks go on and win the National Championship this season, Ihereby request a ring, hat and SJU shirt. Go S-J-UGo!

Send all comments and feedback to:[email protected]