Q: Well, I recently met this guy on campus and I think hewants to pursue me but right now we are just friends. I’m attractedto him, and I like his personality, but the only problem is that hehas a bit of a reputation for being a “ladies man.” One of myfriends has heard a lot of rumors about him and has been reallynegative towards him. She keeps telling me to be careful with him,and not to take him seriously because he is a “player.” I feel likemy friend is trying to show her concern, but at the same time, meand the guy are just friends right now; I would like to continue afriendship, if nothing more. On the other hand, I feel like I neverwant to talk about him or mention him because I know my friend willhave negative comments. I want to tell her to stop saying thesethings, but I don’t want it to sound like I’m getting defensiveover this guy. I’m also thinking maybe I should just avoid this guybased on what I am hearing. What should I do?
-Too Much Girl Talk

Dear Too Much,
If you feel that your friend is being a little too concerned abouta situation that has absolutely nothing to do with her, then youshould tell her – just be polite about it because if her suspicionsreally are true, then you may need her support afterwards, whichbrings me to my next point.

Granted, you may need your friend’s shoulder if the guy reallyis a player and you find yourself filled with disappointment, BUTthat’s jumping the gun a bit because you said yourself that the twoof you are just friends, and the friendship is the most importantaspect of your relationship with him right now.

The bottom line is that I don’t think you should avoid this guysimply based on what you’ve heard about him. Of course, it’s niceto have the reference from other people, but at the same timeeveryone deserves the benefit of the doubt – even those godlessplayers.

Q: There’s this guy that I really like, and I THINK helikes me too, but he’s so hard to read! He’s one of thoseintellectual types, but really well-rounded, and lately we’ve beengetting along so well. I actually look forward to seeing him inperson and online. The whole situation is just so strange, the waywe interact and stuff. People that watch us say we should just gettogether, and I’m not objecting to that (I’d prefer it!), but Ihave no clue as to what’s going through his head. What the heck amI supposed to do because this is really starting to bother me. Ifit’s not meant to be, fine, but just let me know already!
-ESP=TLC

Dear ESP,
As much as I’d like to give you a definite “yes” or “no” to yourquestion, I simply can’t; you seem to have the Devil’s Advocateconfused with one of Dionne Warwick’s advocates.

The bottom line is that I can’t tell you if the guy likes you,and there is also no way for you to know that information eitherunless you ask him. You seem to have a pretty good rapport withhim, so why don’t you casually bring it up to him?

If you’re worried about rejection of some sort, there are plentyof ways to present the concept of “something more” withoutthreatening to damage the friendship the two of you alreadyhave.

Not to encourage manipulation or anything, but you could alwaysengage him in a “random” conversation steered in a direction thatreveals his true feelings for you. On the other hand, if you’refeeling a bit bold (and from your submission, it seems like you’dresort to nearly anything just to know what’s up), you could alwaysup the ante of physical contact. A touch here, a stroke there andyou should be able to tell how he feels about you by the way heresponds to the gestures.

But just consider this: if you can’t even talk to him about this(something so basic), then maybe it really isn’t “meant to be.”

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