Devil’s Advocate

Dear Devil’s Advocate,
I have a problem with one of my friends and her boyfriend. I can understand that during the first few stages of a relationship, you want to spend every second of the day with them, but they’ve been dating for over a year and I think it is affecting our friendship. She spends a lot of time with him and there have been many times when she’s dumped me and my other friends to go out with him. If we do spend time together, he is involved somehow, and it irritates me that she has this bad habit. We’ve been best friends ever since I can remember and I don’t want to end our friendship. This is also her first serious boyfriend so I don’t want to make her leave someone who has made her happy. What can be done to save our friendship?

-Friendship on the Rocks

Dear Friendship,
Boys: can’t live with ’em, can’t live without ’em. Everyone’s first love is a special and memorable experience. Apparently your friend has remained in her own “la-la” land filled with dancing sugar plums and gumdrops. She is still fixed in that “lovey dovey” stage even though she and her boyfriend have been dating for over a year, and I guess for some couples that part of the relationship remains while for others it dies down. It’s great that you are aware of your friend’s happiness with this guy, but it doesn’t make it okay to ditch you and your other friends for him. It isn’t healthy when couples spend every waking moment together- c’mon, the whole point of being with someone is to keep the spark alive, not to kill it.
Talk to your friend about how you feel. Put her in your position and this might make her realize that she is not following the “friend code of honor.” Initiate a girls’ night out with your closest friends. Sometimes people in love lose all sense of reality. This way both sides can learn from this situation and hopefully it will make your friendships stronger while promoting a healthy relationship between your friend and her boyfriend.

Dear Devil’s Advocate,
I’m having issues with one of my roommates. We live off campus with a few other people, but the roommate who is giving me trouble is the younger sister of a good friend of mine. She grew up being spoiled in her family and has these really bad habits that my roommates and I can’t take anymore. It’s awkward because she’s my friend’s sister, and I’m not saying I don’t have any bad habits because I do, but this girl is too much. It bothers my other roomies as well, and we’ve tried our best to cut down our bad habits she complains about but she doesn’t seem to cooperate and has a tendency to use our stuff without permission. She is a messy person and leaves her clothes all over the place and doesn’t pick up after herself, while my other roommates and I are clean. How should we approach her about our problem?

-Restless Roomie

Dear Restless,
Here’s a suggestion: torch her clothes and save the remains in an urn and leave it on top of her dresser. That way you won’t have to worry about having her wardrobe lying all over the place. Of course, I’m just kidding- unless you are fond of that idea. But your roommate is most definitely being disrespectful to all of you and this is something between you, her and your other roommates. Your friend has no say in this fight, so there is no need to get him/her involved. I’m sure if your friend were in your shoes, they would feel the same way about the problem. What you need to do is compromise with her, that way she knows all of you will be getting something out of this deal. Point out what bothers all of you and let her know that you would like her to respect your living space. If she doesn’t cooperate, then discussing the eviction of a certain “princess” may be in order.

Dear Devil’s Advocate,
My parents are very proud of their Israeli roots and want me to one day marry an Israeli guy, but I met this Hispanic guy through mutual friends and grew to like him. I haven’t told them about him, because I know they won’t accept him, so we’ve been sneaking around for some time now. He has a similar problem in his household because his parents expect him to date Hispanic girls, and we’re at a crossroads right now and we are not sure whether we should end our relationship or if we should both finally tell our parents. What should we do?

-Lost and in Love

Dear Lost,
You would think in this day and age, people would be more accepting of inter-cultural dating. Apparently for some, “keeping it in the family” is very important. This is a touchy subject and is controversial on different levels. Love shouldn’t be determined by race, religion or ethnicity, because if you are in love with someone, it’s because you like them for the person they are, not because of their physical exterior. Love is not only skin deep and I think if you see yourself having a future with this guy and vice versa, it is time to bring up your forbidden romance to your parents. You may receive similar or different reactions, both possibly good/bad, but you’ll both feel better that you got it off your chests. Sometimes it takes parents a while to warm up to change and, with all due respect to your parents, in the end it’s all up to the both of you to decide the direction of your relationship and not theirs.