Blacked out

If four toddlers were given wooden spoons and pans to bang on, the “music” they would make would still sound better than Britney Spears’ latest disaster, Blackout.

There has been much (perhaps too much) speculation about Spears’ new album. Would it be the comeback she needs? Would it be a masterpiece? Would she finally get it?

These questions should have been answered when she pathetically opened up the MTV Video Music Awards, wearing too-tight lingerie and bad hair extensions as she forgot to lip-synch her first single, “Gimme More.” (This is an ironic title, seeing as the public would actually like a lot less of Spears).

The album opens with this track, which is sadly the best on the entire album. The following songs can all be described in one word: awful. Not only do they all sound the same, but they are badly produced. Spears’ voice is nothing to be astounded by either, although it never was. On her previous albums, she at least tried to showcase what little vocal talent she had (such as “Everytime” from her previous album In the Zone).

One horrible mistake the album makes is that it lacks any catchy tunes or memorable lyrics. Even the horribly bratty Avril Lavigne can captivate the wannabe-punk tweens with catchy pop-rock music.

Perhaps Spears is trying to appeal to the generation that grew up listening to her old-school music? If this is the case, she fails miserably for the five thousandth time.

Her peers and former Mouseketeer friends, Justin Timberlake and Christina Aguilera, have matured and become respected musicians. Not only are their lyrics relatable to the twenty-something-year-olds that listen to their music, but Timberlake’s dance moves can easily be compared to a young Michael Jackson’s. With her killer vocals, Aguilera could sing the dictionary and people would listen.

Spears, on the other hand, has not grown at all. Her performance on Blackout is no different than it was on her previous albums. With so many life experiences to write about, one would think Britney would have something interesting to say. Instead, Blackout makes it even more obvious that she’s learned nothing over the past few years.