Dear Devil’s Advocate,
I am a smart, attractive, and funny woman and I love my family and friends with all my heart. But they are starting to get on my nerves because they are bugging me to try to find a boyfriend. My mom keeps saying, “Why don’t you find yourself a nice boy to spend some time with?” I know she just wants me to be happy, but it’s getting annoying. I keep telling them that I don’t want one and that I am happy being single. I mean, I’m not going out of my way not to get a boyfriend, but I figure that if I am meant to get one, it will happen by itself. Right now, a boyfriend just doesn’t fit in with my life plan. I am career-mined, and I probably wouldn’t have much time for a boyfriend. Anyway, how do I get them all to stop bugging me about this?
Signed,
Annoyed Anita
Dear Annoyed,
In this case, the old adage, “your happiness is all that matters” is 100% true. Good for you! Being an independent woman and not dating a guy simply for the sake of trying to land a man is something to be proud of, and just because these older women don’t understand that a woman of the 21st century could be happy single, doesn’t mean you have to submit to their antiquated way of thinking. Tell your family that it bothers you when they try to invade your personal life, and that your shining, confident personality will surely attract the right guy when the timing is right. Ask them if they’d be interested in hearing about your progress in school, or any new activities you’ve engaged in lately. Ask them if they truly believe life is all about keeping yourself busy until a guy comes along to swoop you into domestic bliss, and if they’d like you to flush their tuition money down the drain by focusing all your attention on their submissive nonsense. Tell them you are a strong, charismatic woman and you have no desire right now to settle down. Explain that working hard to ensure the best future for yourself is your number one priority, and they should be proud of how ambitious you are.
And if they don’t like it, tough. Success is the best revenge.
Sincerely,
Devil’s Advocate
Dear Devil’s Advocate,
So there’s this guy I really liked and we were at a party the other day. Actually, it was the day before Valentine’s Day. I finally got up the courage to talk to him and well, long story short-we hooked up. I called him the next day and he didn’t answer and when I called the day after and he did answer, he said he was busy when I asked him if he wanted to do anything that night. He hasn’t called me and he keeps flaking out. I thought we had something special going on at that party and I just want him to like me. I don’t know what to do. Can you help me figure out what to do? How do I make him like me and stop ignoring me?
Signed,
Confused Kate
Dear Kate,
I hate to break it to you, but if you don’t hear from him very soon, he doesn’t want anything from you but what you already gave him. This is the nature of the beast, andshould have absolutely no bearing on your personal self worth. Why would he need to actually work to impress you AFTER he got what he wanted? This reflection of his true character and a strong indication that he is not the type of guy you should be spending time around.
This doesn’t mean you should feel regret or shame about hooking up, because you aren’t a mind reader and there’s no way you could have anticipated this outcome. It sounds like the two of you just wanted different things from each other. If that’s the case, then the best thing for you to do is to just find someone who wants the same thing you do, which is most likely a respectful, mutually beneficial relationship. Although it seems like you’re not asking for much, it won’t likely be the first guy you like, or the first handful of them, that can actually offer that.
In regards to this guy, you’ve essentially done everything you could. You followed up after the first meeting, and now the ball is in his court. If he doesn’t call back within a week, it’s definitely time to forget about the boy. Find someone who will make time for you and is actually interested in pursuing you. If the dude can’t realize that you’re worth his time, he shouldn’t be worth yours.
Sincerely,
Devil’s Advocate
