The Independent Student Newspaper of St. John's University

The Torch

The Independent Student Newspaper of St. John's University

The Torch

The Independent Student Newspaper of St. John's University

The Torch

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Kristen Stewart plays Lou in Love Lies Bleeding. 
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Torch Photo / Abigail Grieco
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Devil’s Advocate

Dear Devil’s Advocate,
All of my friends having been talking non-stop about the election coming up and they are all talking about who they are going to vote for.

It seems like they have had their minds made up for months now, but I still have no clue who I should
vote for.

I haven’t told them this yet because I feel like they will all just badger me into picking their choice. I am not asking you who I should vote for. I want to know if you can help me figure out how to decide who to vote for.

I know it’s silly for me to be asking you of all people this, but I just need some help.
Sincerely,
An Undecided Voter

Dear Mr. or Ms. Voter,

First of all, I am glad you have made the decision to vote in the upcoming election. After all, ever since the Vote or Die campaign, the important thing is that you vote, not who you vote for. As long as you survive the upcoming election, everything will be okay.

There are many important issues in the Presidential race that you should consider when making a decision.

First, make a list of issues that you feel passionate about such as health care, foreign policy, the economy and the environment.

Research each candidate thoroughly, by going on their web sites, and watching previous debates on Youtube. This will educate you on where each candidate stands on each issue, and if it follows your
own personal beliefs.

Another important thing to remember is to research each presidential candidate’s running mate.

If some reason the man elected becomes incapacitated (like if he chokes on a pretzel), their vice president will be our new leader, so keep that in mind.

Try not to be biased of each candidate based on television shows, though Saturday Night Live has probably swayed a lot of viewers.

You also need to remember the other important issues. These include good looks, who’s the best bowler (Obama definitely loses this one), best smile, and fastest Sudoku puzzle solver.

Remember that this is your vote, not your parents, your boyfriend, your best friend or your professor. You vote should speak from your own beliefs, and whom you would hire to run your country for the next four years, and possibly beyond.

Best of luck,
Devil’s Advocate

Dear Devil’s Advocate,

Halloween is coming up soon and I still have no idea what I want to be. I want a really cool costume, but I can’t think of anything good. All of my friends already have their costumes picked out, too.

I’m starting to get worried that I will end up just not dressing up or even worse, I might end up choosing a lame costume. So, I was wondering if you had any good ideas for a costume that I could use for this Halloween.
Thanks for your help!
Costumeless Cory
?

Dear Cory,
Halloween is one of my favorite holidays mostly because of the free candy, but also because I get to dress up too. Picking the correct costume is tough, though and it takes a lot of thought.

According to my calculations there are three things that make up a good costume. First, it has to be cheap because we are all broke college students. Second, it should be witty and clever. People should look at your costume and laugh a little bit.

Lastly, your costume should be relevant to something that is going on in the world right now. Using these three things, I have come up with a couple of fantastic costume ideas for you.

Number one takes advantage of the recent financial crisis in our nation. You could dress up as a depressed, alcoholic stockbroker drunkenly sobbing about his money being gone and his life being over.

Or, you could be the actually stock market! Just get a big piece of poster board and draw a red line zigzagging downwards. It’s cheap and funny!

You could also take advantage of the upcoming election. You have to be careful here though because there is bound to be a bunch of Sarah Palin’s running around.

So, maybe a better idea would be to dress up as Tina Fey doing an impression of Sarah Palin. Nobody would be expecting that!

These are just a couple ideas that I came up with off the top of my head. I’m sure you can come up with some better ones if you just keep the three tenets of a good Halloween costume I gave in mind. Just use your imagination!

Good luck!
Devil’s Advocate

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