The Independent Student Newspaper of St. John's University

The Torch

The Independent Student Newspaper of St. John's University

The Torch

The Independent Student Newspaper of St. John's University

The Torch

Devil’s Advocate

Dear Devil’s Advocate,

I am so sick of my best friend. She always takes the side of my boyfriend when we are in arguments. It’s like there is a funnel from his mind to her mouth.

She just keeps on defending him and never backs me up. It’s so annoying! Isn’t a best friend supposed to be on my side? What good is she if she never helps me out in arguments?
Do you have any ideas about how I could get her to be on my side for once? It’s just annoying to have a best friend who keeps stabbing me in the back.

Sincerely,

Concerned Caesarina

Dear Caesarina,

It just so happens that I have exactly the advice you need. There is a very simple technique that you can get your best friend to agree with you.

I call it Devil’s Advocate Mind Persuasion, or D.A.M.P. (I know, I know-I am trying to figure out a better name for it, but that’s the best I’ve got for now!) Anyway, this technique is easy and it should start working right away.

All you need is a frying pan. Or a baseball bat. What you are going to do is sneak up behind your friend with her knowing and hit over the head extremely hard.

It’s very important that you sneak up on her because she can’t know it was you that hit her. Hopefully, when she regains consciousness she will have amnesia. She won’t even know what happened.

That’s when you swoop in and say, “You were just telling me how correct I am to be angry at my boyfriend and how proud of me you are for not apologizing to him.

Then this frying pan just fell from the cupboard onto your head!” Then again, you could just be happy that you have a best friend who has the courage to let you know when she thinks you are wrong.

You could value her input to the situation as an unbiased third party. You could realize that she is trying to help you understand the situation from another point of view. You could stop making her feel bad about herself for not “being on your side.” You could do all of those things, but that would just be too difficult for you, wouldn’t it?

Sincerely,

Devil’s Advocate

Dear Devil’s Advocate,

I’ve got a problem that’s been bothering me for a while now. I’m a 23 year old pharmacy student.

This sounds a little pathetic now that I am about to write it out, but I guess I will just get to the point: I can’t grow a beard. I know it’s a stupid thing to be upset about. I know! But, I just can’t help it. My friends all call me names like “Patchy” and “Baby Face.” It really doesn’t bother me much, but every now and then I get sick of it. I wish I could just grow a sweet beard! Do you have any ideas that could help me grow some more facial hair?

Sincerely,

Baby Face

Dear Baby Face,

First of all, you should consider yourself lucky that you don’t have to shave everyday! That’s probably why your friends make fun of you. They are just jealous! So, maybe you should reconsider your wish for a sweet beard.

But if you really want to grow a beard, then I might be able to give you some advice.

First, you should visualize yourself with a beard every night while you are falling asleep. Visualization is very powerful and it can trigger unconscious parts of the brain to do your conscious bidding.

You should also go through the process of shaving every morning even if you don’t have any hair. This will “train” your facial hair to grow faster and thicker.

Lastly, you should massage your face several times throughout the day. This will stimulate beard growth and coaxes each hair out of its follicle.

Plus it feels good!Oh yeah! There is one more thing. I made all of that up.

None of it really works. You don’t need any of it. What you need to do is to learn to be comfortable with yourself the way you are.
Don’t try to be someone you’re not. You are not ZZ Top or Papa Smurf. So, you shouldn’t try to grow beards like them.

Be confident. If someone makes fun of your inability to grow facial hair, just laugh it off and turn the tables. Make fun of his beard. Say it makes them look like Abraham Lincoln.

You should never change something about yourself solely because you think that’s what other people want. You can’t let other people define who you are. You have to define yourself and be your own person.

Sincerely,

Devil’s Advocate

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