The Independent Student Newspaper of St. John's University

The Torch

The Independent Student Newspaper of St. John's University

The Torch

The Independent Student Newspaper of St. John's University

The Torch

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Devil’s Advocate

Dear Devil’s Advocate,

So, a friend of mine asked me if she could borrow a new pair of shoes that I own. Being the nice person that I am, I said yes.

She borrowed them and then gave them back to me. But now, it’s like she thinks she can use them whenever she wants!
She just goes in my room when I am not there and takes them without asking. It is getting really annoying. She is always getting them dirty and never apologizes for messing them up. What should I do?

Sincerely,

Shoeless Sharon

Dear Sharon,

That’s so annoying! My ex-best friend did something similar to me once. She asked me if I could lend her a dollar to buy some gum. I lent it to her.

Then the next week I found her making out with my boyfriend! Wait, now that I think about it, that’s not very similar at all.
Anyway, the way I see it, you have two choices. First, you could not let her know how her actions are affecting you and secretly harbor a grudge against her for the rest of your life. Slowly stop speaking to her.

Never look her in the eyes. Eventually, you will break off all contact with her whatsoever.

Before that happens though, you have to get even with her. You should either ask to borrow something of hers and then never give it back or you can just start spreading ugly rumors about her love-life.

Either one works. Then you two will be even and you’ll never speak again. Problem solved.

The second choice is pretty simple, and probably the prudent thing to do: go up to her calmly and explain the situation to her. Tell her that she cannot just take the shoes whenever she wants without asking.

Tell her that what she is doing makes you upset. Don’t get angry, just let her know. The downside to this choice is that you don’t get to harbor a grudge or spread filthy rumors. The upside is that you get to keep talking to your friend.

Sincerely,

Devil’s Advocate

Dear Devil’s Advocate,

I have had a crush on this girl for a really long time now and I finally manned up and made a move on her. Anyway, long story short, we are sort of together now.

The only problem is, I don’t think I like her that much anymore. I mean, she’s really cool, but I just do not want to be in a relationship with her.

I feel like all the things I loved about her before aren’t there anymore.

I feel trapped. I don’t want to hurt her because I do really care about her, but I just can’t be in a relationship with her.
Do you have any advice for how I should handle this?

Sincerely,

Trapped Ted
Dear Ted,

So you fell for a girl, got the girl after a really long time, and now that you have her, you don’t want her. This is a classic scenario that happens to millions of men each year.

Here is your problem: you idolized this girl. While you were pining for her, you exaggerated everything good about her in your mind and ignored every negative thing about her. And now that you have her, you have stopped building her up in your mind. Now you can see her clearly.

The thing is, you obviously liked her in the first place for a reason. You should try to figure that reason out and see if it is still there. Give it a chance and see what happens.

But if you really feel that you can’t be in a relationship with this person, you should tell her sooner, rather than later. You are wasting both of your time. You could both be out there looking for someone better.

Just tell her straight up how you feel. Be honest. Don’t make any excuses. It will probably be difficult, but it’s for the best.

Sincerely,

Devil’s Advocate

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